For the past year I have felt a significant connection to Jesus Christ. This was strange to me at first, since I denounced my Greek Orthodoxy in 2019. The reason being I found myself spiritually (due to attending ACA and CODA and sort of needing to connect spiritually to something to work the programs) in the way of working with tarot, crystals, herbs and the earth. All of that felt really natural to me whereas growing up being force-fed silly rules and strict punishments was not. If I strayed just a bit such as not wearing stockings to a job interview, my family would be in an uproar. This was unacceptable to my higher self and I was grateful I found where I belonged, which was as a wild free woman. One who was everything the church hated. I wasn’t white I was Hispanic, I was dating someone black at the time, I was sexually interested in women, I loved all things goth and edgy and punk. I was wholeheartedly rejected so it didn’t really matter that I left. I also grew up with a strong love for upside down crosses, liberation through language like Satan/Sataness, 666, and hell. This was all opposite of my upbringing so it felt healthy to finally embrace it. I could never have imagined back then that Jesus and I could co-exist, or why he would want to with me, but as I keep unfolding who I am I am understanding.
Last year when I took part in a significant ritual with a spiritual group, I found out part of my sacred name was Soteria, which means Savior in Greek. At the time I also recalled a seer once telling me “you are going to be the one where the mother comes to you and says ‘you saved my daughter’s life.’”
Also last year while creating a map of my life, after putting the upside down cross on the canvas in the background intuitively, I found myself adding a crown of thorns around the bottom like most crucifixes and how they look. I remember looking up what INRI meant too (Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum, Latin for Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews), the acronym that sits atop every cross with Jesus, to understand what I was doing better. I felt I needed to think of an acronym of my own, and decided on JHRI (Jenny Hekate Regina Iudaeorum, Latin for Jenny of Hekate, Queen of the Jews). I already have a significant connection with Hekate and I chose Queen of the Jews because in that way him and I were alike - my pen name Jenny Schecter is Jewish.
Later the Hanged One would appear to me over and over, with a lot of interpretations bringing him up. One stated the hanged process is the process of God-realization, and the other below.
I started to think maybe I was always meant to suffer deeply in order to ascend in my life. Maybe I was meant to be a part of broken relationship after broken relationship, dealing with criticism to no end about me and my life, being the scapegoat for others so that secrets could be kept. Maybe I was exactly like Christ, that’s why he was leaving me clues. I know what it feels like to carry everyone else’s sins to be set on fire so that others could make themselves look good. To have your heart and mind be misunderstood constantly, to be viewed as a “traitor” or the villain so that others can sleep soundly at night. I know what it feels like to be hung out to dry as if you are nothing and yet the truth is you are a gem, a diamond in the rough.
And maybe I’ll resurrect like he did, because I’ve never been one to give up. Not on living the creative life of my dreams, in the face of those who never believed I would find my way, not on relationships, in the face of those who said I could never choose the right partner, and not on becoming a mother, in the face of those who said I would not have children. This is what Jesus is teaching me, about faith and trust in this painful process and I have a different kind of revered respect for him now. I especially loved reading this article about how he would handle boundaries, check it out here, it’s hard to explain but that article made me feel safe.
This photoshoot was to commemorate all I have been through up until now, and all I have realized since last year and what I’m really capable of. How strong I am, a survivor, a warrior burned alive physically emotionally mentally but still here. Truly I am celebrating myself this Easter weekend, and I wanted to share this empowerment.
If you enjoyed reading this post, I recommend my book Salvation, which goes into detail about my spiritual awakening of 2017.
Jennifer Diane is a witch scholar, writer and model based out of New Jersey. Since 2017, she has not stopped gathering self-help resources in an effort to grow where everything was dead. Her offerings include resources on Darkness Thriving, books and zines at Endeavors of Horror, classes and one on one sessions for Healing with the Occult, and radical perspectives on the Enlightenment through Hellfire podcast.