The title of this article is from Peter Townshend’s song Baba O’ Riley (Teenage Wasteland) from the 70s. It’s said to be about the line between self-assertion and hostility, a line I’ve found myself straddling my whole life. Somewhere in my birth chart there lies an intensity which reminds me of the lyric from Taylor Swift’s Seven, “before I learned civility I used to scream ferociously,” and causes me to attack before I speak. I am realizing it’s also why some of my relationships have reflected this back to me. Me always pointing the finger, not realizing it was a part of me I still carried and acted out. The song is also about disillusionment, resignation and resilience in our youth, whether that be of age or mind. It’s about Indian mysticism and Sufism, how reality itself is an illusion and that inner peace is an internal state that does not depend on external circumstances (“I have a peace inside me that no horror in the outer world can touch” ~from the prison poetry of Nazim Hikmet - thank you Ada).
I recently watched Deliver me from nowhere, the Springsteen film, and I greatly enjoyed it. Not only did it spotlight men’s mental health from start to finish, exploring the emotional upbringing of a young boy in detail, which is never done in movies, but it made me want to hug young Bruce because he went through what so many of us have gone through. Many of us have crept downstairs as a child, fantasizing about taking a bat to the legs of the person who was the abuser in the family. And we weren’t wrong for that. Although an unrealistic solution, our young minds knew things weren’t right and were searching for a better way of living (because we could see the truth). Only to be thrust back down by a hand or phrase, which would prove stronger than our young will - it would have to be because we had nowhere else to live and nowhere else to go, fighting back wasn’t safe. Wrong was right, and we’d better learn that fast and follow suit. In these cases I have found, that leaving is not the same as being driven away. Driven away from family because there is a prevalent sweeping under the rug that you just can’t believe in anymore. You can’t close your eyes. They actually physically will not close, you’re always awake. And maybe for some of us our mind is like a labradorite crystal, where truths are revealed without even trying. We’re standing at the stove cooking dinner and people are moving all around us and the mind is pouring out truths like water, and all you want to do is just finish cooking your dinner. You don’t want to know, but life wants you to know. It’s fucking hard. But it is all for a reason. Even if it is terrifyingly heartbreaking. This is about having learned all the lessons a long time ago, but still not doing anything about it (you have to do something about it to evolve).
I liken it to the Three of Swords tarot card.
Information you wish you didn’t know, information that hurts you, the power of information to cause pain, intellectual pain of the mind leading to the emotional experience of the heart
Harsh emotional realities, the emotional experience of truth
Releasing ideals to allow new growth, gaining strength through adversity, aligning with what is
The ability to endure pain without dying (thanks Ada), to explore painful truths deeply and come out stronger
Learning how to emotionally detach, develop healthy boundaries, and learn to respond rather than react
Not abandoning sensitivity or intuitive gifts but rather, learning to channel them consciously instead of being ruled by them
Deep emotional wisdom through recognizing which feelings are rooted in the past and which belong to the present
I liken it to two astrological transits - the Moon conjunct South Node in Scorpio..
Agitation and unsettled, feeling like matters are not fixed or finalized
Inherited patterns, natural emotional comfort which leads to familiar emotional responses even if they are not for your highest good
Not being able to settle on a choice, plan, or course of action
Purging and processing difficult emotions or painful memories, moving through something that has been stuck or stagnant for some time
To end something-commitments, schedule, people you see, promises or obligations you keep
Inspiration to only give your precious time and energy toward people and priorities that truly sustain you, emotionally and deep within
..and the Moon opposite North Node in Taurus.
Emotional evolution requires developing opposite qualities from the past even if it means feeling deeply uncomfortable or unfamiliar
Tension between emotional comfort and evolutionary needs
Attracting situations which demand movement beyond familiar emotional responses
Redirecting emotional gifts toward new purposes - to establish a secure foundation, rather than reinforce limitations
Employing emotional wisdom in service of your destiny rather than clinging to familiar feelings
Realizing you have powerful emotional resources for evolutionary development, going towards what soothes or settles you
Sources: Mastering the zodiac, Kelly’s Astrology, Honeys Astro, Reddit
I offer all this as solace - you’re not alone - as the holidays approach and the new moon in Scorpio is upon us, because as the title states it is no longer about fighting, which I am learning despite my natal ferocity that I am trying desperately to outrun right now. It’s like the Devil chasing me. And it is no longer about being forgiven. We are not always supposed to lead others emotionally. Recently I was at the mechanic for my car and a man who was elderly was talking on the phone for a long time. He was right next to me so I heard everything, and I was in awe of his wisdom. At one point he said very seriously, “Man I love my family you know, I love my family I do (long pause). But I can’t be around them (long pause). They’re fucking crazy.”
Support
Lastly, here are some support resources for anyone struggling into the holidays next week:
I love the affirmation, it is safe for me to see - I hear it is safe for me to see the truth.
Three powerful successive meditations: Kali, Hecate and Lilith from Josephine Sorciere to help you break free of whatever you’re facing.
This is the video I made last year, about how you don’t have to spend the holidays with your family. I talk about the moon being in Scorpio for those two days last year, but keep in mind it still applies to this year because the new moon in Scorpio and all that’s opening up will from today until the first quarter in Pisces, which does not occur until after the federal holiday.
Jennifer Diane is a writer, artist and intuitive based out of New Jersey. Healing with the Occult is a publication that offers insight into the psyche and other transformative knowledge through various creative mediums.