I’m writing this for the highly sensitive person. The one who can’t keep their food down after standing up for themselves. The one who suffers from headaches and nausea because they easily take in the feelings of the person to whom they stood up to.
This may be you if you fear becoming the cause of harm. This may be you if you were punished for being the cause of harm as a child. What does it mean to be the cause of harm? It means when you had to call the cops as a kid, you were punished. It means when you saw wrongful acts being committed right before your eyes and spoke up about it, you were either cornered or physically hurt as a result. So now as an adult being the cause of harm or rather hurting others with the truth is something you dare not even attempt. You are still operating in survival mode, but who can blame you. We are only as aware as we are. But as a result of operating this way you suffer. We all need to learn how to become the cause of harm - how to disappoint other people - how to tolerate not being liked - how to sit with being the one who is hated and smile on, because at the end of the day you’ve done nothing wrong.
Many of us think we are doing something wrong because we left a part of ourselves in childhood. This happened when we saw someone doing something wrong and reacted and they scarily fed us thoughts which took us in the opposite direction - and there went the part of us, violently cut off, which knew the difference between right feelings and wrong feelings. We were told our feelings were not real, so that we could never be sure that they ever were again. We were told our feelings didn’t matter, so we built a small crawlspace in our minds for those people who fed us (and anyone else who would ever again tell us our feelings were wrong) and vowed to protect them. But what you were really doing was protecting their secrets. You were protecting them from themselves. You were helping them hide, but it wasn’t your fault. You were just a kid.
These people didn’t just cut off a part of you, they invaded your psychic ability which needed special attention to flourish. A psychic ability which allows you to understand the emotional undercurrents running through others and the truth of situations almost as if by osmosis, which allows you to receive unspoken information whether you want to or not. Because this was not protected, as an adult when you know something is wrong you struggle with the fear of being wrong (and a simultaneous fear of knowing the truth), anxiety over expressing the truth, and worry that if you do others will not approve. This fear, anxiety, and worry also keeps your abilities from working through you instead they don’t feel real. In your mind you see words flashing back and forth: I trust you~I trust me~I trust you~I trust me. Fear of being wrong has also created a deep dependency on the knowledge of those around you rather than your own - forcing you to seek confirmation of the truth over and over again — which leads to powerlessness. If you’re just waking up from this, I understand you. I am writing this for you.
I’m going to describe my method of deprogramming the above through the lens of animal allies as that is how it was shown to me. Hold tight, as trying to get comfortable with causing harm can render you personally and deathly ill in order to get through it. And if you’re new here unfamiliar with my work, part of my purpose is to feel everything, extract the knowledge, and bring it back to you-think the Poet card from Kim Krans’ Wild Unknown Archetypes deck. The occult helps me through my experiences, along with the Dark Goddesses, and I turn around and try my best to give that back to you, in service of course, as best as I possibly can. And the cliche saying of take what resonates and leave the rest applies as well.
OWL
Owl reigns over your higher self (your crown or your thoughts). The owl is the harbinger of truth to the self. You fly high, so you can see everything, meaning you can see the highest (spiritual) perspective and open doorways to divine thinking. Your truth matters, so stay true to it (no illusions, no secrets allowed like in childhood). Trust your spiritual radar about people, stay open to what it reveals.
Affirmation: It’s okay to feel the way I do, what I’m picking up on — my claircognizance, my clairsentience — is real and valid.
Other resources: the Key card, the Third Eye card, also you may be a Heyoka Empath
BEAR
Bear rules your middle self (your heart or your actions). After you receive the truth, bear helps you make choices and decisions based on it, with honor (and humor to keep the heart light). Bear growls at adversity. A fierce protector of themselves, they deal with problems immediately (discipline) and fearlessly. After you do what needs to be done, retreat to your cave to slow down, refuel and rest in quiet, in private. See your true self in the dark. After all, you are capable of feeling everything not just your feelings but the impact of them on others.
Affirmation: I liberate myself by making unpopular choices I know are right for me.
Other resources: Reddit comment on the 9 of wands card, the Lightning card
TIGER
Tiger directs your lower self (your root or your emotions). Tigers are very balanced - they know when to move and when to stand still. Tiger can teach you how to manage your triggers and emotions more effectively — to pay attention to where you live inside yourself/your body. It is time for inner housekeeping such as self-compassion, self-understanding and grounding in order to protect your energetic boundaries from here out. Without this shielding, the aftermath of everything will get through and hurt you such as subconscious programming keeping you in survival mode, or other’s powerfully angry or disapproving feelings. This may even cause you to take back your original decision, and that’s the last thing you want to do. Have patience with yourself, for sitting with your feelings without reacting to them after all is said and done is the hardest part of all.
Affirmation: I ground myself in emotional safety and in the knowing that what is unfolding is correct for me.
Other resources: the Obelisk card, the Stag card
You can also read about embracing your villain era and Pluto in the 4th house when you need to remember why it is important to become the cause of harm in the first place. I want to also note that besides being triggered into fear anxiety worry and powerlessness due to being coaxed as a child to think one way, it can also cause the unconscious response of fawning or freezing. In adulthood you may pause when you know something is clearly wrong, not able to react or you may try to get closer to those who are hurting you (this is the saddest trigger response of all IMO). This can be a whole separate article in itself but I didn’t want to leave without mentioning it. Please know you are not alone reader.
I’ve added a spell to the end of this newsletter should you need it. It can be chanted 3x over, 3x again, and then one last time before or after you have to do something very hard like speak your truth or piss someone off - good, especially for when it’s those you care about.
Jennifer Diane is a goddess of darkness, writer and model based out of New Jersey. Since 2017, she has not stopped gathering self-help resources in an effort to grow where everything was dead. Besides running Healing with the Occult, Jennifer shares the radical truth on the Enlightenment through Hellfire podcast and creates books and zines for Endeavors of Horror.